


What Butterflies Feel Like

by candidshot



Series: stories from an alternate universe [9]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Best Friends, Falling In Love, Friendship, Gen, Idiots in Love, Love at First Sight, M/M, Rating: NC17, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-08 14:54:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12866892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candidshot/pseuds/candidshot
Summary: Be it a chaste kiss, lewd nights in bed or just a stranger's shoulder for a pillow on a train, love has to start from somewhere - is what Magnus believes. And after an unexpected lewd and tipsy turn of events one Friday night, Magnus tells Alec, the man he has been watching and agonising over from afar that, "By the first snowfall, you'll have already long loved me".AU.Chap. 7/7: the day it snowed butterflies





	1. one man's heart cries

**Author's Note:**

> Since this is now a multi-chaptered story, this chapter will now read like a 'Prologue' in which basically, Ragnor listens to Magnus talk about his unrequited love for Alec. 
> 
> Happy Reading?...

**It’s such a waste,** Ragnor thought as he watched Magnus  **…to so easily fall in love but spend every day wishing to be loved back.**

But Ragnor would still listen to Magnus’s heartbreaking stories about the many different dates he’d seen Alec carry to the lounge he worked… about the menacing hickeys stamped on Alec’s neck… and how all the while, even though he’s right there – even if their eyes met - it was as though Alec was looking right through him - as if he was never there.

Back in high school, Ragnor had a few crushes. During university he dated twice and had loads of fun… he’d made memories he’s sure he’ll never forget, but love – after all that, he’s sure those feelings were nothing near love.

And yet, here’s his best friend weeping in front of him carrying around a broken heart saying he’s in love… a love that has him doing nothing but crying and fretting… a love that may be as futile as the Sahara Desert.

Then after one long day of racking his brain to understand the perturbed madness driving his friend into despair Ragnor asked, “If you’re so torn about him ninety nine percent not remembering you, then why not show yourself to him? Get it over with and use that one percent to remind him – to tell him you’re here”.

And as if the answer to the question is all too obvious, the pitiful soul with eyes red as blood helplessly replied, “ninety nine percent you say, that’s a huge chance of rejection”.

“Then if you won’t move forward, why do you insist on still loving him?”

“You’re asking something stupid again, Ragnor”, vexation seething between his teeth.

Ragnor snapped. “How am I being the silly one here when it’s you and your incomprehensible fixation on a love that doesn’t make sense?”, he cursed, finding himself shaking with anger as he moved closer to Magnus who was gathering his belongings to leave. “Tell me, Magnus Bane, how can you love a man you’ve only seen glimpses of? And no, not counting that one time you drooled all over him on the train  – how can such a childish fancy, something so fleeting and unsure be counted as love?”

“And what’s wrong with that, uhm?” Magnus very calmly asked in answering, as he unbolted the door and stood in the exit, “be it a chaste kiss or a lewd night or a bony shoulder for a pillow while fast asleep on a train, love has to start from somewhere. Wouldn’t you agree?”

But Ragnor shook his head, “I still don’t understand. Why would you want this kind of love? You’re hurting, aren’t you? Just find someone who will love you back”.

Magnus laughed bitterly. “Do you really think that it’s people who choose who they want to love? Because if you do, then you really don’t understand the first thing about love and its inescapable and persistent madness. Or do you think there’s a switch of some type but I’m being a stubborn prick and don’t want to use it?” And with that, with dried tears he left the room, leaving Ragnor thinking that, if this is love, then surely, he wants no part of it.

But you see, Ragnor -

Love;

It’s a funny thing once it catches up.

It’s like stealing a cookie from the jar… and then, the habit grows like a parasite… and by the time Magnus took notice… Alec, was all he could think about.

_\---_

_magnus x alec[](https://twitter.com/hashtag/Shadowhunters?src=hash)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Let me know what you think XD


	2. the man in his bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpectedly, Magnus and Alec hook up one Friday night ~pushing Magnus to make a bet.  
> This chapter also gets a bit naughty ><

Love;  
  
Be it a chaste kiss, a lewd night in bed or a hard shoulder for a pillow on a train - love has to start from somewhere.

But one must never beg to be loved.

And Magnus should know this better than anyone.

Yet, he took a dare and now he’s quite sure that the man snoring in his bed like he’s at home doesn’t think much of him - this gorgeous man with hair thick and perfect to run fingers through and who’s wearing the sexiest beard Magnus has ever seen, would surely only think of him a meagre one time fling – nothing more than just a single night of coincidence to satisfy a desire.

So it’s with clattering teeth and trembling fingers that Magnus anxiously waits on this man who will wake up and almost surely break his heart for being greedy in wanting more from him. 

Magnus squeezes his eyes shut, wishing he hadn’t drank that many martinis. 

You see;

Last night was a typical Friday of rum and fun that ended amazingly lewd and colourful.  
  
It’s what Magnus had always cooked up in his fantasies, except that it was far more mind-blowing than his brain had phantom. It happened fast too. But when he thought about saying goodbye at the train station, he made a gamble and leapt before he could think and by the time he realised it, he’d already invited this man to his apartment. 

The instant they were behind closed doors, his impatient need to satisfy his hunger did away with his nervousness and weakened every part of him - and all Magnus could think about was his desire to kiss this man naked from the waist up and then eat him like the finest delicacy.  
  
The speed at which they moved was outrageous and even Magnus was frightened at how suddenly his self-control was slipping away from him - his stomach trembling at its pit with excitement at the sweet musky scent lifting off Alec’s skin. Growing inebriated, Magnus’s body freely moved like a spring - quick and nimble as he pinned the taller man against the wall, leaving no room, not even for breathing until he found himself gasping for air and whatever slither of self-control he had left.  
  
Alec had laughed at Magnus’s impatience, a haughty beautiful gesture that for a second, almost tricked him into thinking any of this will have mattered the next day. But just as fast as the spark had lit up Alec’s face, in a few blinks, Alec’s eyes became shrouded in mystery and in one breath he was like a devoted hunter trailing his prey. Just so, Alec leaned in and took lead and very greedily lapped around Magnus’s mouth with his tongue, slowly slipping in Magnus’s juicy lips betwixt his own - swallowing the tinge of citrusy martini still on Magnus’s tongue. Magnus’s head twirled giddy in excitement, smiling into the kiss and panting all at once when a sweetness scampered along his lower belly and heats him up from the waist down.  
  
Alec’s head fell into his collarbone, his lips kissing every reachable part of Magnus’s skin. Magnus gasped with interludes of moans, his head flung back as he angled himself in wait, ready to be licked and sucked and peppered with kisses. Everything was moving fast and rough, yet at the same time, Alec embraced him like a jewel.  
  
In all truth, Magnus was clueless as to why he did what he was doing, but with the rum in his head, the heat in his pants and the fantasies playing on his mind, all hell broke loose and he would be damned if he should stop himself. While in his daze, his trousers went loose and sagged around his waist, and when Alec leaned in again and resumed to eat along the path leading up to his mouth, Magnus startled at how unbearably aroused he was when Alec’s fully erect desire poked him in his groin - and all Magnus could think about was to wrap his tongue around him and lick him and then ride him - sit on him and sweatily move up and down and around on him like a jolly fellow high on merry.  
  
Alec shoved Magnus with a force that landed him on his back, and before Magnus could brace himself on his elbows, Alec was back on top – his hands ripping Magnus’s shirt straight down the middle, his heavy gaze burning Magnus – a heat so strong that Magnus could only swallow back portions of his excitement in a bid to free up space for the much more to come.

 – and much more came indeed. 

Magnus’s nipple buds stood hard at attention in Alec’s mouth, his tongue moving in circles round and around with some teeth and a little pull. And just when Magnus thought he was about to pop from pleasure, he gasped at the sudden flow of sweet sensation in his buttocks from Alec’s fingers.  Just so, all consciousness of self slowly started to slip away and Magnus thought that surely, that must have been a moment he’d live for – that burning happiness with Alec’s tongue licking his nipples and his fingers stretching him for the greater reward that was yet to come.  
  
His inside tingled from Alec’s handiwork, making him flap about the bed unsure where to roll and how to scream and if to moan. Alec’s fingers continued to tease his inside while wrapping his tongue around Magnus, licking him from the base up, leaving a trail of damped kisses – Alec’s head bobbing and his mouth making loud and scandalous slurps like licking up a honey flavoured lollipop.  Magnus curved his toes in, his grip tight in the sheets and he swears he might die from the rush of pleasure surging through him. 

Then like a swift breeze, Alec flipped Magnus on his belly, raised his ass in the air and set him at an angle – he then paused, observing Magnus in all his glory like a world heritage monument before dipping to kiss the muscles in his back. Magnus moaned at the warm and wet sensation of Alec’s tongue making circles on his bare skin – the sweetness in every kiss sent him goose bumps – sweet touches that caused Magnus to quaver, sucking in a deep breath, then releasing a breathy sigh the moment Alec finally pushed forward and deep down inside him from behind. And with every inch of Alec he felt, silent pleasurable tears crinkled at the corner of his eyes.

Mounted on his knees, Magnus buried his face in the pillow to muffle his moans while Alec held him in place around the waist; his upper half pressed flat and perfectly fitted to the shape of Magnus’s body as he buried himself deep and started to move fast like they were running out of time. Then somewhere along the joy ride, Magnus’s sense of self returned and he ached at the fact that his heart was playing tricks on him again – because even as Alec sweetly worked them both to glory, kissing Magnus along his neck and across his shoulders and down his spine like a sacred gift being given - even when Alec’s eyes lightened into tenderness, Magnus knew that---, ‘no, no’ he mentally contained himself before his brain could detour into unwanted and unpleasant territory, his deepest worry – so he swallowed back hard and snapped his hips to meet Alec’s halfway, wanting to feel everything he could get at that moment.  
  
Magnus panted hard, weak in the legs and growing more confused not sure how to manage the pleasure caving in on him from left, right and centre like the heavens have fallen to earth and landed on top of him. The tingling of his skin from Alec’s hot tongue playing in his earhole, the fingertips drawing fire on him like a matchstick - their bodies danced like an inebriated tribe celebrating around a bonfire. But deep down, Magnus was cringing, finding it troublesome the way his heart was taking note of these caresses and clinging to affection that surely will not be returned no matter how much he gives.  
  
In the midst of his internal panic, Alec leant over and kissed the nape of his neck. “Are you ok? Going too hard?”  
  
Magnus smiled, eyes heavy and dazed and on the brink of being totally gone. “No – it’s good… it’s too good”. And despite his mixed feelings he really wasn’t lying. 

Alec felt amazing inside of him.  
  
In a low husky voice, Alec chortled and kissed him once more – a mixture of saliva, sweat and tongue sliding against tongue. “Is that a compliment?”  
  
Magnus tightened around Alec, clenching hard as he raised his hips in needing to feel Alec deeper in him. “Rest assured, you have my highest praise”.  
  
And then it happened - his body dissolving and him lost in all sorts of thoughts and feelings, gasping when his orgasm came and toppled him over, spurting his happiness everywhere with Alec shuddering and hugging him tightly.

.

.

.

  
By the time Magnus opens his eyes, it’s already morning… and perhaps Judgment day. The man of his affection is fast asleep beside him – a man who doesn’t even know his name.  
  
Then, by the time he freshens up in the bathroom, he returns to find Alec half-dressed, though seemingly in no hurry to leave, and when he turns around and sees Magnus, his expression doesn’t convey a thing. But Magnus is no fool. He knew since the beginning how things would go down. Since that moment he invited this man into his bed, he knew that even if he wanted more, all he would get is a spot on the list of one night stands or people who mattered no more.  
  
And so, Magnus waits silently, watching the over six feet man pull his shirt over his muscled body that had lain warm against Magnus’s back all night long while they slept. His hair long enough to hang just above his eyes - and the memory of how it hung with sweat at last night’s undoing sends heat to Magnus’s face.  
  
And still he waits, his heart pounding a mile per hour knowing the distress that’s coming.  
  
“You know…”, Alec starts and Magnus couldn’t stop his body from flinching. “I was dumped yesterday”.  
  
Trying his best to remain calm and collected about the sudden offer of information, Magnus coolly replies. “Is that so?”, then hesitantly adding, “sorry to hear that”.  
  
“Oh don’t be. It was nothing serious. I can never have anything serious”.  
  
Magnus remains unmoved and silent, not knowing if that remark should be taken at face value or as an indirect warning to back off. Was his ulterior motive found out?  
  
Looking around for a hole to just climb into and die, Magnus answers, “Is that so?...”  
  
“After what happened you might not believe me but, I’m really not a flirtatious guy. I just like my needs being met”.  
  
“…Is that so?”  
  
“Yes. It has always been so”, Alec replies, the light colours in his eyes all focussed on Magnus – taking him in as though he hadn’t done enough last night. “Anyway, last night was like a different me”.  
  
Magnus isn’t sure how to reply but, he’s growing curious. “I see. And now… who are you this morning?”  
  
“A very hungry person, so let’s go grab some breakfast together”.  
  
Magnus blinked, his head slightly hanging to the side, wondering if he’s hearing right.  
  
“What’s that face for?” Alec smirks at him.  
  
“Well… not the reaction I was expecting from a man who just spent the last few hours fucking a complete stranger”.  
  
Alec chuckles, “I could say the same for you. Though if it will appal you less, then I’ll reflect on it. But in the meantime, I need food, extra black coffee and your name”.  
  
Magnus stares at him, a smile slowly creeping to the corners of his lips. “Magnus… I’m, Magnus”.  
  
Alec smiles, his eyes light and shine and more brilliant than the morning. “Well, Magnus, many call me Alec but almost no one calls me Alexander… so you get to choose”. 

Magnus laughs, everything is going so smoothly and yet, his nerves just won’t settle down. “Nice to formally meet you, Alexander”. 

Alec is now fully dressed, and he’s still staring Magnus down and it’s obvious that there are thoughts on his mind. “Magnus…”, and Magnus cringed because this is it, the moment he knew was coming but still feared, hoping it never would. “Last night, it’s not like I disliked it. Your body is very sexy and exciting but I won’t lie and delude you that suddenly you’re the one I’ve been searching for all my life. However, I’m open-minded so I won’t run away… just don’t expect anything”.  
  
Magnus nods. “I see”, because more than anyone Magnus knows that one should never beg to be loved. 

but...

What if this very moment is a chance? Just suppose this is that one percent Ragnor spoke about? So he looks at Alec with eyes fill with determination, though his core trembled from fear and nervousness. “Then in that case… by the first snowfall”.  
  
“What?”  
  
“By the first snowfall this year, you won’t just ‘not dislike’ it. _No,_ Alexander. By the time it starts to snow, you will have already long loved me”.  
  
Alec’s lips curve in a sweet smile, twitching in intrigue by Magnus’s brazen declaration. “Is that so?”  
  
“Yes”, Magnus reaffirms, “I promise you”.  
  
Alec laughs this time… the sort of laughter that says he doubts every letter in Magnus’s words, but he’s impressed and he’s up for the challenge. “You do know that will be in less than three months, right?” 

Magnus nods.  “Sounds like a lot of time to me”.  
  
Alec is still smiling, intrigue glistening in his eyes. “Well then Magnus, I’m counting on you”, he says, suddenly taking interest in the apartment’s décor – the brick walls, the piano in the corner, a shamisen leaned next to it, a bookshelf packed with CDs and vinyl records, ethnic colours on the carpet and living room sofa, five cat bowls by the kitchen counter and then finally, at the centrepiece of it all – this gorgeous man with good hair, a beautiful face, painted nails and a body he’d ravished to fulfilment last night.

“I see”, Alec mutters to himself like a leftover train of thought – as though things are somehow finally connecting. “It might be nice”. 

“What might be nice?” Magnus asks, bolting the door as they leave the apartment in hunt for breakfast.

Magnus catches Alec smiling – a tiny easily missed upward shift of his lips as the elevator door closes and is going down when at last, he answers while locking eyes with Magnus, “to be reminded what butterflies feel like”.

_\---_

_magnus x alec[](https://twitter.com/hashtag/Shadowhunters?src=hash)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *phew* the longest sex scene I've ever written...  
> But yeah, I decided to make a short story out of this and I hope that you'll enjoy reading from start to finish ^^  
> Kudos/Comments appreciated XD


	3. dirty martini

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter tells how they first met before picking back up from the events of chap. 01 and moving forward. Happy reading ♡

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story is taking place in the present so wherever I use the past tense, that's a flashback~ for this chapter, it's the first half).

Love;

  
It’s like stealing a cookie from a jar. First, it goes barely unnoticed until bit by bit it becomes addictive and a single cookie can no longer satisfy a growing crave and so, only the whole jar will now do. Just so, by the time Magnus had taken notice, Alec had become a jar full of cookies - and Magnus wants to gobble him all up.    
  
It all started that night when Magnus, tired from work, hadn’t realised he’d fallen asleep until he felt a light nudge on his shoulder and a gentle voice telling him, “I didn’t want to wake you since you looked so peaceful but, the train is about to make its final stop”.  
  
Magnus blinked looking about him, adjusting his perception of where he was and who was the man talking to him. It also took him a while to realise his head was still comfortably rested on the shoulder of this complete stranger.  
  
“I’m sorry”, he apologised, startled in embarrassment. “That must’ve been uncomfortable for you”.  
  
The man smiled pure white gold with perfectly kissable lips. “Don’t worry about it”, he replied. “There was just something about your calm face that made me feel guilty about waking you up… although I did miss my stop”.  
  
Magnus shyly smiled at the glitch of softness and strangeness of this man.  
  
It wasn’t long before the train made its final stop. Magnus stood up, turned to the man and stared him up and down - the longer he stared, the more the tip of his ears heated up. This man's pretty face and tall build was perfectly his type. “Sorry again about earlier”.  
  
The stranger stood beside Magnus in front of the opening train doors. “It’s really no problem. It’s the city so a train comes every five minutes”. And with a wave of his hand he was soon on his way. “Hurry home and get some rest, sleepyhead”.  
  
Magnus had smiled, watching the man go while thinking it would’ve been nice if they met again.

Magnus’s wish took a while but a month and a half later, he first thought that he was mistaken when while at a music shop in the jazz section, he saw the same man. Calling it fate or just mere coincidence, he suddenly moved to greet him, but just as quickly, he stopped himself. After all, what were the chances that he would’ve been remembered? For all he knew, it would be only natural to forget random people met on trains. Such people were a waste to commit to memory and he thought himself no different. Not to mention the fellow had a friend with him. So what an embarrassment it would’ve been if he was truly not remembered. In the end, he released a heavy sigh, grabbed a Mercury vinyl record and left the aisle walking the other way.  
  
But Magnus had not a clue that he couldn’t run away from what was to be.  
  
One Friday night, a few weeks later, at one of the jazz lounges he co-owned with his best friend, Ragnor, a conversation instantly pulled his attention.  
  
“Alec, I haven’t seen you in ages. Where did you escape to?”  
  
This Alec person grinned with the same perfect teeth and spread of lips. “I’m a busy man, Maia. Very high on demand even overseas. Just came back a few days ago, actually. Why? Missed me?”  
  
Maia, who was serving at the bar laughed. “If I was remotely your type then I would think you’re trying to pick me up, you sweet talker”.  
  
Alec sipped from the glass Maia placed before him. “If I were then I wouldn’t still be single”.  
  
“That’s because you’re a player”.  
  
The grin this time reached all the way up to the crinkles of Alec’s eyes. “That’s because playing is fun”.  
  
“Only a real player would say that”, she playfully rolled her eyes at him. “Try leaving a heart or two for someone else”.  
  
After that exchange, Magnus couldn’t decide if he should be happy about the fact that this ‘Alec’ is single or be disappointed that he might be a bit too frisky for Magnus’s energy – but still, even in the dim lighting of the lounge, Magnus could perfectly see Alec’s long neck begging to be kissed - and those lips, lips that when he smiled, Magnus wondered what their temperature might be like against his in a kiss. Alec, was like a tall glass of sexiness and Magnus craved for a drink.

Magnus was so lost in his naughty fantasy that he jumped disoriented when he heard, “I see you like them dirty”.

Surprised, Magnus almost choked from the sip of drink already in his mouth.

“What?”

“The martini in your hand. You like them dirty, I said”.

“Oh…”, was all Magnus could muster, feeling fidgety and weak in the limbs and belly. 

“You do remember me, right? Alec asked with eyes wide. “You’re the guy from the train, right? Please say _yes_ and save me from my embarrassment”, he fretfully giggled.  
  
A quick nervous laugh left Magnus’s mouth as he carefully rested the martini on a nearby table, working up his best smile. “How could I forget such a comfortable shoulder?”  
  
Alec laughed, relief in his cheerful sigh. “Well good to know my shoulder is at least memorable”.

They laughed away into the night. And by the time they down bottles after bottles and refills of alcohol, they somehow ended up staggering to the train station together.

And that’s when it happened.

Right before they bid their goodbyes, something Magnus can’t quite explain happened – he couldn’t explain it but he knew exactly what it was – it was the addiction, the craving for all those cookies he’d discretely stolen glances of – and with Alec right in front of him, he decided to snatch the entire jar of sweetness.  

Magnus was determined. He knew what he wanted but his nerves were about to drive him crazy even as he bit down on his lower lip, his fingers hidden and tapping about his waist because he knew – he knew he’d fallen for this man who doesn’t even yet know his name – he knew that uneasiness in his heart was growing like a parasite and so, just maybe if he fed it a little it would go away. So just for the night, Magnus decided to nurture this parasitic seed of such troublesome one-side heart fluttering feeling - because after crying his eyes out to Ragnor, it was all that was left to do – to take that one-percent chance and get whatever the hell he could.

“Hey, why don’t you get off at the last stop?”

Alec’s eyes slowly glistened with a small smile. “But this is the last train for the night”.

Magnus stepped past, leading the way. “I know”.

Really, it was silly just how much he wanted a man he hardly knew. But he’d no Intention of rationalising the way he felt in that heated moment.    
  
And with just the first kiss to the back of his neck, Magnus’s knees buckled and he voice came out when Alec slipped his tongue into Magnus’s mouth and marvelled with it - the taste of alcohol had never been so sweet and tangy. When it came down to bare sweat, panting and nakedness and when Alec finally slipped inside and entered him, Magnus was all about needing more - he needed Alec deeper in him. He needed every possible thing that moment could give - because almost certainly, that miracle of Alec in him would be a onetime sort of thing.  
  
And now, the morning after, Magnus is sitting up in bed looking at the man he’d screamed and moan undone in front of - the man who still doesn’t know his name - until now.

  
  
_“I need food, extra black coffee and your name”._

_... “By the first snowfall, you’ll have already long loved me”._

 

Breakfast is had from a cafe around the corner, and then they part ways.

A bit troublingly, Magnus soon learns that perhaps his declaration is a lot harder than he’d imagined. Mostly because he can never quite keep track of Alec who for some reason, always seems to disappear then reappears weeks at a time.

Like that, many Fridays pass, and a whole two and a half weeks go by before they meet again. It’s at another jazz bar among the neon lights of Times Square – the close-set tables in the lounge get patrons rubbing up against each other to the low and sweet late night grove of music.  
  
“Okay, so who dare dumped you?”

Magnus is sitting by the bar and surprise is an understatement to describe just how gleeful yet flustered he becomes. “What makes you think that?”

“Well, you’re sitting alone with an entire bottle of Rémy Martin and looking all contemplative. I hope you’re not planning suicide or anything”.  
  
Magnus laughs genuinely and heartily. “Close but not that drastic. I’m just reflecting on my life”.  
  
“Oh oooh”, Alec replies in a teasing sing song. “I can’t tell if that sounds good or really suicidal”.  
  
Magnus hums a thinking sound. “Have a seat if you have the time. I’ll pour you a glass”.  
  
Alec takes the seat offered to him. “And what are we drinking to?”  
  
“Another year of me being an earthling”.  
  
Alec chuckles, leaning his glass in a toast. “Is the  _earthling_  having a birthday?”  
  
“Yes! Well technically it’ll be in another twenty-minute, so until then, let’s drink and be merry”.  
  
“Not complaining but what kind of one man party is this? Where’s everybody – friends, the family?”  
  
“Technically speaking, it’s now a two-man party”, Magnus winks. “And as for everyone else, well it can’t be helped. It’s a weeknight so everyone is busy with whatever”.  
  
“And the girlfriend?”

“Hmmm, yeah, about that, I find it strange that you would ask that after what happened between us but yeah, I haven’t had one for years but if it’s a boyfriend, I’ve my eyes set on one even as we speak”, he grins, his index finger pointing at Alec. “Don’t think for a second I’ve given up, Alexander. You somehow tend to appear and disappear so I’m just slowly weaving my web so you won’t be able to escape”.   
  
Alec laughs out loud. “Sounds scary. I should probably report you in case of any future kidnappings”.

“Or you could just volunteer your own kidnapping”.

Alec had crinkles in his eyes – the sounds from his throat come out like water bubbles at springtime. “I should probably run and save myself from now but before that, let’s drink a merry lot to ring in your birthday. I’ll be yours truly for tonight”.  
  
Magnus’s heart skips a beat then rolls over many more and be it the rum or just warm feelings of affection at what Alec had said, an overwhelming flow of emotion is making him fluttery in the belly - wishing so much that Alec will truly be his for more nights than just tonight.  
  
Hours later as their spirited laughter scents the early autumn wind, in a lapse during their idle chatter Alec asks, “so how about that reminder now?”

Magnus’s eyes start to sparkle like stars in the sky. “What reminder?”

Junno steps closer and wraps his arms around his waist, pulling Magnus to him – the dim lighting in the lounge semi hiding them. “Never mind. Just kiss me”.  
  
Alec wets Magnus’s lips with long kisses the moment they reach the apartment. Magnus feels like the sky is the limit leading the way to the bedroom once again - kissing with skin rubbing against skin – kisses that taste of Rémy Martin and burning affection mixed in with warm tongues and needy feelings.  
  
When Alec gropes and enters him like he’d done before, Magnus inhales long and deep to the perfect fit that makes him tipsy in sweet misery, amplifying his belly butterflies to move about rampant in his stomach.  
  
“Not yet!” he moans, clamping around Alec and sucking him way deeper in. “I want more”. Even if it’s just for the night, once again, he wants Alec’s everything.  
  
Alec lightly chuckles, dropping his hips in all the right places. “The birthday boy is very demanding”.

Magnus moans, biting his lips and pushing his whole self down on Alec, taking him all in. “Shut up”.  
  
Alec humours him with a laugh.

At 3 o’clock in the morning, any sound heard is breathlessness and muffled yet blissful screams until sated by the night’s pleasure.  
  
Then 8 o’clock in the evening same day, Magnus’s doorbell chimes.  
  
Surprised to the core, Magnus asks, “back so soon for more?”  
  
Alec rolls his eyes though his face is prettied with a smile. “Well… being that I’ll be away on business in Peru, I thought it best to take advantage of you while I still can”.  
  
Magnus’s face softens at the sound of that. “Is that so?”  
  
“Yep. Consider it an extended birthday present”.  
  
From the anticipation, Magnus is breathing heavily. “Is that so?” And he’s trying really hard not to stutter or choke on the ball of feelings playing ping pong in his belly. “Would that be another round of comfort for the road?”  
  
Alec lets himself in. “That can come later”, his hands packed with things. “But I figured I should give you a proper birthday present”.  
  
Magnus raises his eyebrows in confusion when Alec hands over a bottle of classic wine, a lightly scented bouquet and presses a kiss to his left cheek.  
  
Reaching out his hands, Magnus’s heart rate catapults at the gesture of being given gifts – something he almost never gets. Turning the bouquet around in his hands, the soft scent of delightful buttermilk roses with scattered stalks of orange marigold tickles his nostrils – and he now can’t help but think that he must really be brave or stupid to have himself hung up on a man who’s obviously in and out – a man who straightforwardly told him he’d no intention of committing to anything – a man who seems sweet and seems to like him but will only make himself stick around temporarily. Soon, his taste in Magnus will expire and at the thought of this, Magnus feels his inside churning but still… until that time comes, the flowers in his hands smell great and the man in front of him looks great and the feeling in his tummy is warm and his heart is beating like crazy.  

“What’s all this?” and perhaps if he blinks, an unwanted tear will fall.  
  
“I just told you. It’s an extended birthday present”. Alec answers, pointing to the bundle in Magnus’s hands. “Those marigolds are said to represent the sunlight and warm, friendly people”. He then runs his thumb along the lobe of Magnus’s ear. “I may not know much about you but I know for sure that you’re warm in many ways”.  
  
Magnus nibbles on his lower lip, trying with all his might to hide the creeping blush on his face brandished as a smirk.  “I think someone is already starting to love me”.  
  
Alec laughs and Magnus feels he may have just fallen a little more in love. “Don’t think I’m that easy, sir”.

Alec then leans over and pampers him with a kiss – a kiss Magnus gladly takes even though he knows that Alec’s fondness still hasn’t caught up to his as yet. 

Like nothing new, Alec spends the night with Magnus falling asleep in his arms - and even as he slowly loses consciousness to sleep, thoughts of Alec floods him. He may still not know Alec’s deepest desire but for now, Alec’s body doesn’t lie nor does it waste time fooling around.  
  
Alec’s body is perfectly compatible and complements his and while that might be their only connection at the time---  
  
Well, even so, what’s wrong with that?  _Uhm?_  
  
"Absolutely nothing", he whispers drowsily, tucking his body further beneath Alec’s chin because;  
  
Be it a chaste kiss, many lewd nights in bed or a hard yet kind shoulder for a pillow one night on a train - love has to start from somewhere.  
  
And his love, started on a train, then grew with chance meetings and ended up in bed…

Anyway, that’s not the problem to worry about right now.

“You said, Peru?”

“Yeah”.

“When?”

“In another week or so”.

“For how long?”

“About three weeks. Could be longer”.

And here lies the real problem.

“… I see”.

And it’s making Magnus very uneasy.  

  _\---_

_magnus x alec[](https://twitter.com/hashtag/Shadowhunters?src=hash)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Let me know what  you think.  
> Kudos/Comments appreciated XD


	4. the old friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When things are going too well, it’s usually a trap.
> 
> Alec's old friend is in town.  
> Ragnor, is also around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy reading ♡

A fling of russet, amber, burgundy and burnt orange has the season dancing in a beautiful confusion of colours – a perfect reflection of the flustered state Magnus is in – all because of this worrisome and clingy thing his heart has fallen in.  
  
After all;

When things are going too well, it’s usually a trap.

One Thursday evening, the usually composed Alec turns up at Magnus’s apartment red in the face, grumpy and somewhat absentminded. After a long while, Magnus wordlessly starts to massage his shoulders and tense muscles along his nape. It’s only after a lengthy moment, unable to bear it any longer that Magnus bends over, looks Alec in the eye and says, “It’s really your job to feel better but, if you need me, I’m listening”.  
  
Alec blinks up at him. “Is that something you say to the man you want to fall in love with you?”  
  
“Don’t worry”, Magnus smirks a little. “You’ll come to love that bit about me too”.  
  
At this, a tiny smile creeps to the corner of Alec’s eyes. “Your self-confidence is inspiring”.  
  
“Thank you very much”, Magnus humphs.

“That wasn’t a compliment”.

“Did you say something?” Magnus resumes his massaging, humming a bit menacingly. “I can’t hear a thing”.

Alec starts to laugh, shifting slightly and pushing his head back to steal a stare at Magnus. “You’re terrible at giving comfort”.

“Well, I’m giving you a massage, aren’t I? That must count for something”.

When Alec turns back around, a low sound escapes his lips as Magnus’s fingertips press down into his tired and tensed body. “I suppose you are”.

There’s giggling as Magnus once again leans over and is hugging Alec from behind – Alec’s eyes are closed leaning back into him.  
  
“Magnus, if someone from my intimate past were to turn up, what would you do?”  
  
Magnus suddenly twitches, hesitating with his fingers absentmindedly playing with the neck of Alec’s shirt. “I would leave it up to you”.  
  
“You mean you wouldn’t fight for me?”  
  
Magnus then slides himself from behind to fall into Alec’s lap, settling in a sitting position to look into Alec’s eyes. “Alexander, I’m already fighting for your heart. So theoretically, if I win your heart then I’ll automatically win the battle, no?”

Alec smiles, and then he laughs - his cheeks high and his eyes half closed, grabbing Magnus in a hug and pressing a kiss to his temple. “You’re one dangerous soldier”.  
  
“But clearly not dangerous enough for you”, Magnus sighs, though still allowing himself to be hugged. “You show me kindness. You make me want to love. You spend time with me. You laugh, you smile and you sleep in front of me but you still keep your heart tucked away, hiding it from me----- and yet, you still want me to fight for you. Is this a test? Are you mocking me thinking I make no sense? I might not be the luckiest at love but surely, from what I’ve gathered, you wouldn’t take me for granted – even if our sex is good, you wouldn’t take advantage of me this much so---” Magnus stops. He’s done. But he’s not moving, still there with half his body in Alec’s lap and the rest of him on the couch.

There’s a lingering silence punctuated only by the worry in Alec’s breathing before he turns to Magnus and says, “That first night, why did you sleep with me?”

It’s not like Magnus had never thought about being asked this question, but the reality of it makes him feel insecure and to be honest, the truth of it all makes him seem obsessed – which while his intention is good, his sudden drop into a pot of love is enough reason to turn anyone off. So he grabs Alec’s crotch and winks, “Maybe I’m a pervert”.

Alec doesn’t pursue the story.

Perhaps he too is glad for the distraction – the escape.

Almost an entire week has passed since then. And how miserably convenient? It’s been two weeks since Alec in a round-about-way told him about ‘an old friend’ revisiting him. Now while out running errands at lunchtime, he sees them dining along a sidewalk café. It does cross his mind whether to go over and 'say hello', but his heart is skipping so many beats and paining all the more when he recognises that the man is the same person he’d seen with Alec that time at the music shop - and it all comes back to him at how friendly the two had seemed back then.  
  
_Really, Magnus shouldn’t have begged to be loved._

Alec still hasn’t contacted him since and so Magnus has been nothing but restless – furious with his helplessness. Just how is he supposed to compete with a friend who already has a history with Alec? And just how is he supposed to compete with a man that good looking? Face, slim and neat. Hair long and nicely cropped at the side. Lips thin and perfectly curve when he smiles, and those eyes, the way he’s looking at Alec is full of nostalgia – And then there’s Alec, with his smile that’s wide and beautiful and his laughter, carefree and full of delight – faces of him Magnus had naively thought were shown to him only.  
  
Uneasy... Magnus becomes uneasy more and more.  
  
Then one night suddenly, Alec shows up as if the occasion just happened to cross his mind.  
  
“It’s been over a week since I last saw you”, Alec remarks, walking past Magnus and through the door.  
  
Magnus isn’t sure how to behave and what to reply. “I’m surprised you noticed”.  
  
“Magnus, despite how things seem, I didn’t forget about you. How could I?”  
  
But Magnus brushes off the remark as nothing but padding he doesn't need. “Is that supposed to be the biggest lie ever, or the worst joke ever?”  
  
Alec takes Magnus’s hands in his. “Let me make it up to you”.  
  
And being the weak-hearted and love craving man Magnus is, they spend the night together like they’ve always done.  
  
Then come the next day while still naked in bed, Magnus suggests, “Let’s meet again tomorrow”.  
  
“Not tomorrow”, a pause in the carefulness in which he releases each word. “I’m meeting up with someone”.  
  
Magnus fidgets about. “The ‘old’ friend?”  
  
“Yeah. We don’t usually get to meet up often, so once in town, he crashes at my place”.  
  
“…I see”.  
  
“Yeah, we always have bad timing, and soon I’ll leave for Peru so there’s not much time for catching up and that guy, he has always had a weird habit of clinging to me and it gets worse if I ignore him”.  
  
“Is that so?”, Magnus mumbles, turning on his side to face Alec, watching him keenly for the slightest reaction. “What’s your current relationship with him?”  
  
Alec rolls over on his back and stares into the ceiling. “He and I, we have a history, so if it’s feelings you’re asking me about then…”.

“Wait, don’t tell me that he’s---“.  
  
“Yeah, exactly so... and an even longer friend since university”.  
  
Magnus only quietly nods because what’s he to do? Even if he wants to draw back, he’d already tossed his heart to Alec hoping that one day he’ll give it back. He swallows in an attempt to soothe the pain, breathing in and out trying to lift the weight of his sadness pressing down on his chest.  
  
But there are not enough holes for him to stuff himself in and bury his feelings that still relentlessly and restlessly grow stronger and stronger each day. He’s uneasy and he’s furious. Why must Alec’s past show up, practically move in with him and about to ruin everything?  
  
It might be his bed Alec is in right now but, does that mean that Alec will eventually choose him?

Can Alec even love him back?

Does Alec still cling to this man from his past?

Does this past love still cling to Alec?

Is he really just wasting his time?

Why does Magnus even love Alec?  
  
He doesn’t know.  
  
He can’t tell anymore.  
  
And that’s how he finds himself bawling again face down in Ragnor’s sofa – eyes plummy and red and bit by bit, he begins to hate himself.  
  
“Do you wish you hadn’t fallen in love with him?” Ragnor cautiously questions, rubbing Magnus’s back.  
  
Magnus shakes his head. “No. I just wish he’d love me back”.  
  
Ragnor has seen this scene times before but it never gets easier. “Then where and when do you think his love will start?”

Magnus looks up at him and immediately knows that deep down, Ragnor is still the unbeliever. “What do you mean?”

“It’s been months now, Magnus. You’ve already slept with him, and I would like to believe that betwixt it all, that you two found some time for your so-called chaste kisses and would’ve shared other intimate moments so I’m asking, exactly how long do you plan on waiting in misery?”.  
  
Magnus hisses. “You must be having fun seeing how much you’re right about my hopeless cause, huh?”.  
  
“Now, Magnus, that’s not fair. You’re my dearest, closest friend so no way would I enjoy seeing you in pain. I’m just curious and very worried about this heavy heart of yours”.  
  
After a long pause Magnus takes in a deep breath, rolling over on his side. “I’m going to lose him, Ragnor. Even before I get him, I’m going to lose him to some old friend who also now happens to be staying with him now”.  
  
Ragnor bunches his eyebrows together. “How much of an old friend?”  
  
“A past lover. His first man”.  
  
Threading lightly, Ragnor carefully asks. “Magnus, are you sure? Is it really too late to turn back?”  
  
“I don’t know”, Magnus sighs. His eyes opening and closing, blinking away tears that run and stain his cheeks. “But I don’t want to give up”.

“Then tell me, why do you love him so much?”

“I don’t know”.

“You’re not making any sense”.

“I just don’t know why, Ragnor… but, I do”.

No one had to tell Magnus how stupid he sounds. A grown man like him unable to give reason why he’s head over heels for someone.  
  
Worry cranes over Ragnor’s face. “Do you even think you have a chance?”  
  
Magnus bitterly smiles. “Alec always comes over to my place and we chat and fool around”. He then pauses, afraid to even confess the truth. “But I still can’t tell what that guy is thinking”.  
  
“Does he know what you’re thinking?”  
  
“What I’m thinking?”  
  
“Yes. Have you told him that not only will you let him fall in love with you, but also, that you love him and absolutely have no intention of letting him go? And that you’re his and that even though a love confession and all that sounds nice, that what you really want from him, is for him to belong to you and you alone? Have you really shown Alec just how much you love and want him? Magnus, this is your true one-percent".  
  
Magnus gawks, thinking back to his and Alec’s tender moments and he couldn’t believe it. How could he have forgotten the most important thing? “I’m an idiot”, he berates himself rushing to his feet and gathering his belongings, giving Ragnor a side glance with an appreciative grin. “Don’t hold me to it but I guess I owe you one”.

Ragnor shows him an unhappy face, his eyes sharp, “Just how absurd are you? You want people to fall in love and confess to you, but without you saying it to them? What kind of cocky bastard are you? Do you think your fart is perfume or that you shit rainbow?”

Magnus is removing tear stains from his face. “Somehow, you sound jealous”.

“I am jealous. I’m jealous of anyone who doesn’t need to see your ugly face whining in distress, ruining my shirt and sofa with tear stains and snot”.

A genuine smile graces the softness to Magnus’s cheeks and around his eyes, “I just love how much you love me, best friend dearest”, his hair neat again, his eyeliner back in place. “And for the record, I’m pretty sure Alec finds me beautiful… I mean who wouldn’t?”

Ragnor rolls his eyes a thousand times. “Oh goodness. A late twenty-odd year old man like you going around flowery and bothered by love. It’s disgusting”.

But Magnus is all smiles, hugging his best friend. “Ragnor, I’ll let you borrow my Bob Marley record”.

Ragnor scoffs. “What about giving me as a gift?”

“Let’s not go overboard now”.

“But you said it yourself, you owe me one”.

“Yes, and I’ll reward it with my happiness”, he grabs his bag and coat and is already at the door. 

Ragnor sighs, handing him his scarf. “Well I suppose that’s worth something, you silly man”, and he’s smiling while watching Magnus rushing through the door – and he’s supposing that love does make people into dumb little men – though, he’s hoping with all his heart that things will work out for his friend.  
  
But all that will have to wait when Magnus’s rush is in vain when as soon as he gets to his car, he realises he doesn’t know Alec’s address and he’s feeling stupid once again – he’d gotten too used to Alec always spontaneously popping in at his place that an address exchange never came up.

He doesn’t need to sulk long, though;

While sitting in his car, thumbing through his contacts, his phone beeps with a message from Alec.

It reads;  
  
_Goodbye._  
  
Distraught and confused, Magnus feels the air in his lungs hitching when just about then another message comes in;

 

_I want it when I return…_

_I’ll push you against the wall and take it._

_That kiss, I mean._

_So you better be ready to feed me, Mr. Bane._

  
Magnus lets out a long sigh. **That’s right… Alec is off to Peru on business**. He then checks his phone calendar, already counting down to Alec’s return, laughing out loud when he notices the big grin near permanent around his mouth as he reads and rereads the last message.

Yes, Ragnor, it’s already too late.

Magnus won't let Alec go.

He won’t give him up.

His one-percent is still a possibility.

So bit by bit, just like he’d promised, Alec will come to love him and –

He suddenly shivers, tightening his coat around him and switching on the heat in the car.

Very soon,

It will be the season of snow. 

\---

magnus x alec

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!  
> Kudos/Comments appreciated XD


	5. on the tip of the tongue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is away in Peru but calls Magnus for a favour. Alec also seems to be a bit emotionally honest than usual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last part of this chapter will switch from Magnus's pov to Alec's. yup. Happy reading ♡

It’s a day when Magnus isn’t busy. Rather, he's just not in the mood to do anything until it’s time for work in the night – in other words, he’s enjoying a lazy day.

Flat out on the couch, he turns a blind eye to the dishes starting to pile in the kitchen sink; and to the chimney of vinyl records that had tumbled over a few days ago. He also pretends not to see his laundry spilling over from the basket and onto the floor - and so, in the silence of it all, he’s munching on salted pumpkin chips, washed down with a blue moon Belgian beer because, even making himself a cocktail would be a hassle on this fine day.  
  
But that’s not the only reason why he’s being a lethargic piece of log – it’s been a week and a half since receiving that text from Alec and although it seems promising, it still has him swinging on an unbalanced pendulum because yes, he’s happy that Alec looks forward to seeing him on his return, but at the same time, he can’t help his uneasiness, his anxiety that as the days pass, farther and farther away he’ll be from Alec’s heart.

It might really turn out exactly how people have been saying for ages  _– Out of sight, out of mind_.  
  
_What’s he doing now over there in Peru?... What kind of food is he eating?... Who has he met and who is he hanging out with? …and if even just once, does Alec think about him?_

“I can hear you from here”, Ragnor sighs. He’s also at Magnus’s place selecting music records as promised.

“I didn’t say anything”.

“Maybe not aloud but, it’s written all your face and you’ve been restless. Why not go prepare your winter clothes? It’ll start snowing soon”.

“Snow?”

“Yes, it’s clearly that time of year so stop looking at me like I’ve grown a horn or something”.

 **Shit.**  Magnus’s thoughts suddenly starts a raging storm in his head.  **Time is no one’s friend.**  He makes a heavy sigh, hugging the fluffy cushion in the couch when his phone rings.  
  
“Hello”.  
  
“Hello, Magnus?”  
  
“Yes, hello – who’s this?”

“¿Cómo estás?” the caller answers with a giggle.  
  
And it’s only after a moment Magnus blurts out, “Alexander! Is that you?”  
  
“Sí!”, Alec sounds bright and chirpy, still laughing at perhaps how surprised Magnus sounds. “A pleasant surprise?”  
  
“Yes. Very much so! Are you already home? Weren’t you due back in another week? Did you just get back?”  
  
Alec falls in a flurry of chuckles. “I see there’s no need to breathe between your strings of questions”, he says, “unless they’re rhetorical – which I doubt so here goes; Yes, I’m still in Peru and yes, I’ll return to New York in another week but before that, I need a huge favour from you”.  
  
Magnus finds himself finally taking a deep breath. "Sure. What is it?"  
  
“Can you go to my apartment now?”  
  
“Your apartment?!”, Magnus exclaims, his palms slowly sweating. “What for?”  
  
“I can’t find the contact information I need for an important client I’m supposed to meet. I remember recently removing the file from my office bag to scan through but, must have gotten distracted and forgot to replace it. Ugh. I’m such an idiot”.  
  
“It happens to the best of us”, Magnus tells him but then very hesitantly asks, “but isn’t your friend staying at your place? Can’t you call him?”  
  
“Meliorn is in Florida for work. I’m sorry for asking this of you when you must be busy but you’re the only one I can count on now”.  
  
Magnus breathes out relieved, for the last thing he wants is meeting this possible rival – it’s still a situation he still doesn’t even want to admit. “No, don’t worry about it. I’m off during the day today”.  
  
“Thank goodness. Can you go now? I’ll text you the address. If you leave now, how soon can you get there?”  
  
Magnus makes a thinking sound while checking the address on google maps. “In thirty-five minutes if I catch the next train. Will that be ok?”  
  
“That’s perfect! I’ll call the porter at the apartment complex to let him know that you’ll be coming. The spare key is where all spare keys are”.

“Under the mat?”

“Close. Under the flowerpot”.

Magnus has to laugh. “Flowerpot? Wow, you keep surprising me”.  
  
“Don’t passively make fun of me”, Alec giggles too. “I’ll call you back in forty minutes”.  
  
“Okay. Got it!”  
  
“Much Thanks, Magnus… talk to you in a bit”.  
  
Magnus has no problem getting the go ahead from the porter. After giving his thanks he rushes to the elevator and enters Alec’s apartment just in time to his phone ringing.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
“Hey there sexy voice”, Alec greets, still sounding cheery. Magnus realises that today is the first time he and Alec are talking on the phone – since Alec always seems to show up whenever or by some weird combination of events, they often meet each other a lot by coincidence. Though, they do tend to message each other a lot.  “Thanks again for helping me out, Magnus”.  
  
“Stop thanking me, I already said it’s no big deal. So what I’m I looking for?”  
  
“You clearly aren’t used to people thanking but, you should heartily take it when it’s given”. Sometimes, Magnus wonders if Alec is a mind reader or if he spies on him. “OK, go to my bedroom, on the desk, you’ll see a blue file – either on top of it, or inside in the first pocket, you’ll see a business card for a Mr. Santiago from e-Commerce”.  
  
“Okay got it!”  
  
“Great. Take a picture and send it to me. Make sure it’s legible”.  
  
“Am I an idiot? Of course I would take a proper photo”.  
  
Alec chuckles. “Sorry, sorry – I’m the idiot for forgetting to take it with me”.  
  
“Yes, you are. OK. Just sent it”.  
  
“Great! – Oh, got it! And it really is legible”.  
  
Magnus rolls his eyes, “ _Hahaha_  – so funny”, putting the phone on speaker while turning around to fully take in the apartment. It’s actually neat, he notes. Very spacious and dabbled with a few colours. The half-white walls have huge paintings of nature with one or two mosaics of--- well things open for interpretation. Walking further into the apartment, judging by the nametag on the kitchen counter and the bag of cat food stashed away in a corner of the kitchen, he looks around for a cat, becoming a bit disappointed when he doesn’t see one. The only thing that seems out of place yet strangely belonging, is the pile of books that's toppled over on the floor. Stooping to check the one book left opened on the couch, he smiles at reading the cover and flipping through the pages - " _The Swimming-Pool Library”._

“Hey, don’t go playing detective while I’m not there”.

Magnus’s is menacing. “Well you know what they say, while the cat’s away, the mouse will play”.

A soft chuckle filters through the receiver. “I’m not bringing you back any souvenir”.

Magnus scoffs. “Keep it. I’ve been to Peru on more occasions than I can count”.

Alec groans in defeat. “I feel like I’m being hustled”.

“Well, there’s a first time for everything, my dear”. A short moment passes, an awkward pause before Magnus asks, “so, have you been good? Eating alright? Resting well? Met anyone nice?”  
  
Alec chortles. “There you go again with the string of questions. And you sound like my mother. Yes, I’m eating well - too well I’d say, and as for resting, well I’m not exactly on vacation. And of course, I’ve met many people – some of them are nice. What, you miss me? Worried about me?”  
  
“I am. I do. What can I say?” Magnus replies to everything point blank. Time is running out, meaning, he can’t afford any hesitation. He’s now browsing around Alec’s bedroom – unable to stop himself from thinking about how high the number of people, Alec had taken back and rendezvous with in this bed - his stomach starts to churn again. He doesn’t even want to think too much about that old pal of Alec’s.  
  
“You flatter me and I love it”, Alec tells him. “So, how are you taking care of it?”  
  
“Taking care of what?”  
  
“How often do you touch yourself?”  
  
Magnus immediately flushes, heat already steaming in his pants. “I’ve lost count”.  
  
Alec laughs, and Magnus can picture him licking his lips. “Are you telling me your hands alone can no longer satisfy you?”  
  
Magnus has his face in Alec’s pillow by now, inhaling deeply that distinct scent he misses so much – the heat in his pants already crawling up and down his legs. “What about you?”  
  
“Well, it seems I’ve grown addicted to a certain someone and his body is all I can think about--- lucky me…,” Alec stresses with an obvious smug in his voice, “I’m on the phone with him now and have about forty minutes to spare before my next meeting”.

“Well, aren’t you a lucky guy indeed?” Magnus’s hands already in his pants.

“How about we blow off some now and leave the rest for later?”  
  
Magnus releases a moan. “I’m already ahead of you”.  
  
“Take off your shirt. I’ve the full landscape of your chest and back muscles completely memorised, Magnus. I can feel my lips on them and down your naked neck. Run your fingers over them for me and let me hear your voice”.  
  
Magnus does moan. “I’m already completely naked on your bed”.  
  
Alec sounds pleased. “Always so hot and impatient – I love it. Now, where do you need me the most?”  
  
Magnus has his hands running all over his bare skin. Quivering at memories of Alec’s teasing and warm breath blowing on him. “It’s a bit hard to prioritise – I need you in my mouth, I need your mouth on me – I need your fingers on me, I need your fingers in me – I need your tongue on me, and I want to taste you too – I already want you in me”.  
  
“You talk poetry”, Alec tells him, his voice a low pitch of tease and satisfaction and tiny moans. “Keep fondling yourself with one hand, and with the other hand, wet your fingers with your spit and tease your butt for me –  gently rub your penis – are you doing it?”  
  
“I am –”.  
  
“Good… so now try tightening the grip around you, add some pressure just the way I do it for you and think of me the way I’m thinking about you – I’m kissing you there now – kissing your thighs and working my lips up to your balls, playing with them in my mouth – you’re hot down there now Magnus, so hot that you’re twitching when the tip of my tongue brushes over the tip of your penis and I’m licking your leak and swallowing all your sweetness”.  
  
“ _Aww—ww”,_ Magnus’s moan is louder. "It feels so frigging good –”.  
  
“Now get on your knees. I want to properly taste you. I want to eat you from the back the way I suck and chew lychee”.  
  
Magnus is laughing – broken laughter between moans. “Do you find me that exotic?”  
  
“And exquisite – so exquisite that I want to eat and lick all that juice off you. I’ve got you all in my mouth now – playing you hard with my tongue – one hand pleasuring your muscles and touching you across your chest – and I’m loving up those kissable abs that flex and beautifully move beneath my fingertips”.  
  
“Alexander, Let me ride you, please”.  
  
“I like the way you beg, Magnus. Come sit on me, and baby, please let me enter you deep – push your fingers as far back as you want me – and imagine me fulling you up – there’s no gap – and I’m holding you tight, pressing into you - and I’m moving and you’re moving too – slow thrusts while stroking you – tell me, Magnus, how do I feel in you? Am I any good?”  
  
Magnus is panting, thrashing around the bed. “You feel so good that I might cry”.  
  
Alec chuckles with the sound of heavy breathing and merriment also in his voice. “If you keep talking this dirty, I’ll come in my pants before I can make it to the men’s room”.  
  
“Such a waste – I could do so much with your hard-on right now”.  
  
“A waste indeed, but imagine it carving its way inside you – feel me holding you tight and tilting your ass in all the right angles － Magnus, your inside feels like an exquisite wonderland – extremely beautiful with every breath you take”.  
  
And just so, Magnus jerks, his whole body burning and beaded with sweat in that moment of his near complete undone, the breathy sound of Alec’s voice soft and dirty in his ears. “I’m comi…“  
  
“So soon?” Alec teases, but his voice is also strained and his breathing short and ragged. “No, not yet, wait for me – I’m almost at the toilet”.  
  
Magnus lets out a stifling groan. “Sorry, I can’t hold out anymo _––_ “

“Okay, go ahead I’m right behind yo–  _ahhh!”_

.

Catching his breath, Alec asks, “How much did you come?”  
  
“Like an atomic bomb”.  
  
Alec laughs, tired but sated. “You better wash my sheets”.  
  
“Messy sheets should be the least of your concerns at the moment”.  
  
“You’re right. I’ve completely forgotten my lines for my presentation this afternoon”.  
  
Magnus is in laughter, stretching himself across the bed, seemingly inhaling every drop of Alec’s scent. “Good luck with that. In the meantime, I’ll be looking around to see what your dates normally leave at your place”.

Alec laughs. “Even if you use your best binocular, you won’t find anything”.

“And why’s that?”

“Because, I always go home alone”.

“You really expect me to believe that? I’ve seen you leave with dates before”.

“Well you don’t have to believe but the truth is the truth. You even saw me on the train alone. Except for Meliorn who sometimes stays there, I almost never let anyone else into my personal space”.

“So did you call me because he's not around and you’re desperate?”

“Yes, as well as, I feel like it’s okay to let you in”.

“Let me in your apartment or in your heart?”

“Don’t be sneaky”.

“It was worth a try”.

“And what’s that about you always seeing me leaving with dates? Where have you been spying on me?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about”.

Alec humphs. “You’re just full of sneakiness today”.

“Well, you’ll come to love that about me too”.

“Will I really?”

“You sure will. I never break my promises”.

.

When Alec hangs up, he’s looking at himself in the mirror – at the crinkles around his lips and at the corner of his eyes and he’s surprised by the happy face Magnus makes him wear. Before now he hadn’t realised how much he enjoys Magnus’s company and now his body is behaving like it misses him – like he missed seeing Magnus and talking to him and hearing his voice and the snide remarks he usually seems to pull from a magic hat.

Alec lets out a heavy sigh, washing his hands and setting back good his clothes on him.

It’s cliché – an old trope used in TV dramas and melodramatic and cheesy movies.

Because really, does absence really make the heart grow fonder?

Alec isn’t convinced, so then why does it make him feel tingly all over?

Does this mean he’s far more into their little theatrical than he’d realised?

Or is it that he’s only pretending to play not noticing when the realness of it began?

It’s all too cliché – too cliché and he doesn’t know how to deal with it – this feeling that he thinks he knows but – to put it simply, it’s like a word on the tip of his tongue.

He splashes some water on his face, looking back at himself in the mirror, cheeks rosé and he’s marvelling that it’s still there ― no matter what he does, the smile on him just won’t go away – and now, as though to stir him up even more, there’s this thing hammering somewhere inside him. It’s really annoying, a bit scary even but, every time he remembers Magnus’s brown eyes on him, and his sweet, soft smile and his warm company and how Magnus bought a vase specifically for the flowers he gave him that birthday evening, and just how honest Magnus is about his feelings for him–––

A sudden chill runs down his spine and shakes his entire body – he’s breathing in and breathing out a little harder and his chest feels a little tight and his inside, bizarrely hot –

The smile drops off his lips the moment he notices them;

The kaleidoscope of wings pinching him, wanting to get inside his chest.

But you see;

While other people feel floaty and feathery when falling in love,

Alec feels queasy and awkward in the gut.  

_\---_

_magnus x alec[](https://twitter.com/hashtag/Shadowhunters?src=hash)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This Alec bit was only an intro. The next chapter will completely be his side of the story XD 
> 
> So until then, thanks for reading! And as always, let me know what you think.  
> Kudos/Comments appreciated XD


	6. a wise man once said

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec's story.  
> Magnus has a surprise for Alec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The timeline of this chapter starts from Alec's past to present day... but yeah, you'll know by the switch in tenses and some chapter cross-referencing XD Happy reading

When Alec realised he liked men and men only, he thought his life was good as over. For as much as his family was laid-back, he was sure that even they would be shocked and although they wouldn’t disown him, somewhere in the back of his mind, he was very much conscious that he was gay and that of all the millions and millions of people in the world, he was an anomaly – a single glitch in the system that surely nobody will want. So bit by bit, he closed himself off from his few friends and his already small family and climbed in a closet and stayed there – a closet where life was a lie but at least seemed safe from direct hits. And so, he kept himself in his little box and saw the world through a tiny peephole.

But one day while at his university library, he felt a heavy stare on him. Someone had forced himself through Alec’s peephole and was about to change everything. The moment he very reluctantly lifted his head, a pair of sharp eyes met his. Alec suddenly gasped, nervous at how he was being looked at with smugness – the man’s hair long and pulled back, his cheeks slender and slightly angular and he had on the ugliest most eccentric colour jacket Alec had ever seen.

Alec quickly looked away, having decided it best not to associate with that sort of character. Bright and sociable people have never suited him.

“Once you see, you can’t unsee me”, the man said, pulling a chair without permission or shame and seated himself across from Alec. “And I know you like men”.

Alec blanched, his peephole smashed and his closet invaded. He was ready on defence and was about to deny the statement with one of the ten well prepared excuses he’d been saving for this day, when the same man who later introduced himself as Meliorn stopped him before a single word left Alec’s mouth. “Me too. I like men--- well sometimes I do. Other times I like women -  but never the two at the same time--- well I’m not sure how it works either but I’m not going to drop and bury myself in a hole over it”.  

Alec suddenly found himself involved with someone he could very much pass off as an alien in human form. To this day, he can’t tell exactly how it started but they somehow entered into a sort of strange relationship, always on and off with their intimacy because Meliorn could never be exclusively his when his condition occurs. With this back and forth, back and forth intimacy, Alec realised that all the love he’d saved up would be wasted on this man – so in time, he grew a hard shell over his heart, deciding it best not to trust this heart of his anymore. In the end, in the name and for the sake of self-preservation, Alec allowed no one else to get close to him. His heart was still there but it just didn’t work as how normal hearts did. So while he enjoyed sex and his rough time in bed with Meliorn, and other men, he wanted nothing to do with love.

Then Magnus came along and shook his world.

Alec was surprised when while reading on the train, someone fell asleep on his shoulder. Irritated, he was just about to wake and cuss with the full brunt of his anger when sleeping beauty caught his eyes. Alec wasn’t even exaggerating - a man with features so soft and with just the right amount of edge along his jaws. His eyelashes fluttered black and long against his flawless skin. Even the drool about to drip from his mouth had something sexy about it – he had kissable lips. Alec took a deep breath, careful to control his heaving, turning gently to observe the man more. The man slightly stirred and moan a bit in his sleep sending a tiny smile to go creeping up Alec’s lips - he was pleased with how the shirt was fitted on him - the way it sat on the muscles on his arms as though it were tailor made. Alec soon fell in love with the veins running down the man’s arms, and loved the slight parting of his lips as he breathed. So if Alec were to be true to himself then he would admit that since that day, he’d already felt a tiny bit of something feathery hovering over him.

So imagine his glee when he met Magnus again at the jazz lounge. He’d never doubted his memory but, the second time he saw Magnus, he thought the man was more beautiful than any fairy tale.

Alec had grown hot. Long gone the day when he was shy and reserved. Now, he’d accepted his younger closeted self and had become a confident persona who went in for the prey.

And by the night ended, he melted in Magnus’s fire.  
  
It happened after their drinking and catching up chitchat at the lounge. They eventually staggered to the train station together. Alec was still sober enough to debate if he should ask for a contact number – somehow thinking he didn’t want to leave their next meeting to chance again. It wasn’t as though he was thinking of anything long term – after all, he still enjoyed playful flings and also more importantly, he was at the height of his career in International Business. Simply put, he had not time nor space for a proper romance but just something – something made him want to hold on to Magnus a little longer.  
  
“Just in time for the last train”. Magnus was standing near him, and surprisingly, they were both taking the same train. “Well then, it was really nice meeting my human pillow again”, he said, a warm beam in his eyes and the way his lips spread was something Alec thought was divine.  
  
Alec laughed, a tipsy gust of radiance that brightened his face and perfectly hid the tiny pinging in his heart, wondering what next to do with this radiant man in front of him. Alec could do nothing but let out a sigh while staring Magnus up and down with a smile.  
  
It was during this very awkward pause that Magnus turned, looked him frank in the eyes and said, _“Hey, why don’t you get off at the last stop?”_

Alec’s eyes slowly glistened with small happy crinkles growing around his lips. _“But this is the last train for the night”._

_Magnus stepped past leading the way. “I know”._

And from the look in Magnus’s eyes – with the way his pupils were bold with desire, anticipation, anxiousness and something else, Alec knew it was not an invitation for tea.  
  
The night’s first kiss was on the cramped last train after midnight, discreetly done like teenagers having fun. But by the time they reached Magnus’s apartment, Alec had found himself to be a hungry beast brought to a buffet. When Magnus’s bare skin rubbed against his, kisses soon became of little sustenance as he threw Magnus on the bed, curiously spread his legs and dropped his face in-between and just so, he began to lick and suck and kiss as though dealing with the finest delicacy.  
  
Fingers moved in one-two- and a third and he hazily smiled when Magnus crashed about below him breathing out some of the sexiest sounds Alec had ever heard. With Magnus’s body ready at last, Alec graced him – him too shuddering when Magnus’s deep warm glory clung and squeezed him. Looking down, Magnus’s eyes at him were pretty and his body, muscled and dripping with sweat was the perfect invitation to the most anticipated meal of the season. Alec felt as though he was being swallowed whole. He was being bewitched by the beautiful man moving beneath him, each thrust felt heavenly, just as much as it threw him off balance, leaving him craving more as it did leave him a bit confused wondering why he was feeling something for a man whose name he had not a clue. 

Until,

_“I’m, Magnus (...) by the time it starts to snow, you will have already long loved me…”._

_“Is that so?”_  
  
“Yes. I promise you”.

Alec was right. Magnus was dangerous man. Magnus was out to snatch his heart.

Alec didn’t want to openly admit it, but Magnus’s bold confession and seriousness had rattled him and that’s when the thought tiptoed across his mind – _it might be nice to be reminded what butterflies feel like._

It’s from that single tipsy happy-go-lucky night that this stranger, Magnus, bit by bit began to open up Alec to a new world – long and loud jazzy nights soon turned to some long and quiet mornings smelling of French toasts and maple syrup. Though, when Alec thought about it, it was no different from the way he’d lived before – except now he looked forward to spontaneous home dates or simply spontaneous meet ups with Magnus. And soon, he began to sulk when work required of him long and far business trips. Alec found himself at a loss at how fast Magnus was caving in on him, feeling as though he was helplessly dancing in the palm of Magnus’s hand.  
  
Then history showed up knocking at his door;  
  
A love that was meant to be fleeting and of youthful fancy and that offered nothing but a necessary friendship over the years, had somehow grown into a stable complication of busy men, seasonal flings and a strange commitment.

Suddenly, this sort of complication showed up with a smug business as usual face at Alec’s door.  
  
“… Meliorn”.  
  
“I’m back, Alec”. And the way he talked made his words seem to sweep off his tongue in an elegant though priggish sort of way.  
  
They had met not too long ago and did the usual – went straight to sex, then went for a meal at a sidewalk cafe – a whole two days of that, then on the third day Meliorn took off to a film festival in Brazil and wherever else the wind blew him. If things had gone as they usually did, they shouldn’t have met again for another year or so. Truth is, Alec had also forgotten about him, courtesy of his most recent distraction.   

“What are you doing here?”  
  
Meliorn looked at him a bit wide eyed. “You’re here. What more reason do I need?” He then coolly pushed past Alec with a suitcase rolling in behind him. “And can you stop looking at me like you’re seeing a ghost”.  
  
“I wasn’t expecting you”.  
  
Meliorn crunched his forehead together. “What’s wrong with you? We practically never do expect each other”.  
  
“That’s true. But I’m still a bit surprised”. They briefly hesitated again, eyes frank on each other. “How long will you stay this time?”  
  
“Two weeks. So please cut the weirdness and let’s get to it”.  
  
For that entire time, Meliorn latches onto Alec like ticks. Taking kisses like he owned them, groping Alec at all odd angles the way it’d always been.  
  
The days passed and Alec kept asking the same question. “Why are you here?”  
  
But Meliorn always gave the same reply. “Why else? You’re here, aren’t you?”  
  
“Well yes, but---”.  
  
“What the hell, Alec?” Meliorn yelped when Alec pushed him away. “Why are you avoiding me?”

Alec himself was also at a loss. He still doesn’t know what’s happening to him and the full scale of what he was feeling but---

“I’ve been hanging out with this guy for a while now”.

The look Meliorn gave him made it seem as though he was being forced to solve one of life’s greatest puzzles. “You’re talking as though you’re saying you’ve found someone you’re serious about but, we both know that’s impossible and too sudden so what’s really the problem, Alec?”  
  
The problem?  
  
That night at the jazz lounge when Magnus had answered Alec saying, _he hadn’t had a girlfriend for years but had his eyes now set on a boyfriend_ \- it sounded a lot like ‘ _for the time being, I’m into guys’_. From then, Alec took two steps back, having decided that he didn’t need another Meliorn in his life. After all, chasing after love was never worth it – that’s what his time with Meliorn had taught him.  

But the more spontaneous nights that found him wrapped up in Magnus’s bed, was the more his heart became entangled with a fascination for Magnus – and try as he might to have fought it, day and night he felt at war with his own feelings – falling weaker and weaker against the soft warm wetness of Magnus’s lips and the way his tongue oftentimes tasted like tea or whiskey. Even when alone, Alec would hear Magnus’s laughter and his voice – his rare whining, his sarcasm, his saucy words and best of all, he looked forward to how happy Magnus looked whenever Alec showed up.  
  
“What kind of guy is he?”  
  
“Magnus is…” Alec paused, so many words lingering just at the tip of his tongue, wondering how best to explain – how to sort out all the feelings running wild in him. “Magnus is magical”.  
  
Meliorn frowned. “Do you know how little sense you’re making?”  
  
“I think I do”, Alec answered, then came a tiny smile on his lips. “He makes me feel stupidly soft, a bit queasy, my breathing also gets a bit awkward but even so he gets me excited. Doesn’t that sound like magic to you?”  
  
“No. It sounds like you’re crazy”.

Alec hummed a thinking sound.  “Well, even that too”. 

“Are you saying you love him?”

“Love him?” Alec’s voice was high from his surprise – a squeaky unbelievable tone like he hadn’t thought about love or as though something as grand as love was totally impossible for him. His heart was locked away in a shell and it was there for a reason – to protect him, to save him from himself. Plainly put, his heart couldn’t be trusted. And it was okay. Things as they were, were okay. He already had his body satisfied so he had no reason to hand over his heart too.    
  
“Yes. Love him… do you love him, Alec?”  
  
Alec found himself in another bind; to say one thing but to feel another thing.

And that was his real problem.  
  
After all;  
  
If it’s love then surely he loves Meliorn too. Before now, he’d never refused Meliorn bed playtime. As a matter of fact, he’d always looked forward to the heat they would always produce. But now Meliorn turned up like he always had, Alec suddenly found himself flustered. Even with Meliorn around, he found himself missing Magnus’s caresses and idle chats and peppery tongue – Alec started to miss things as plain and insignificant as watching the way Magnus’s hair falls flat to the side once he’s removed the gel. The more time he spend with Meliorn, the more he missed those rare toothy grins Magnus showed him and missed those veins in his arms and over his chest and the way Magnus trembled with laughter even at corniest jokes Alec told.  
  
**_Then, is this another type of love?_** He wondered. **_A love especially for Magnus?_**

And if that’s a _yes_ , then Alec is sure that bit by bit he’s becoming drunk on it.

And he knew this to be true when he flinched the moment Meliorn groped his crotch in the same manner in which they used to fool around. And he didn’t flinch because he felt no attraction towards Meliorn. After all, the man is ripping gorgeous like celebrities on magazine covers. In fact, he's perfectly Alec’s taste in men so no, it had nothing to do with attraction, it’s just that Alec somehow felt guilty – his feelings were flinging him all over the place and even in the midst of that storm, deep down if he didn’t think too hard and would just allow himself to feel and not think, then all Alec would feel is a desire to see Magnus and be with him and kiss him sweetly on the lips and all over.  
  
“I don’t know”, he answered. “But I want to try”.  
  
Meliorn sighed checking the message on his phone that had just beeped in - his forehead wrinkled in annoyance. “Well then, I’ve no intention of giving you up if you’re not even sure of your feelings. Sighing furthermore, he hissed his teeth while replying to the message. When he was done, he looked at Alec, long and hard – and Alec could tell it’s not over yet. Meliorn would never just quietly leave with something as shaky as ‘it might be love’ - not when he doesn’t believe in it. Meliorn sighed again. “I’m even more annoyed that I’ve to leave for Florida. But when I return, I should be able to stick around much longer - then you and I will have a proper chat. I’ll help you get your senses back”.  
  
Alec hummed in thought. “I may still be in Peru”.  
  
“Don’t try to get out of this. I’ll wait”.  
  
.

Not very long after, Alec returns from Peru and opens his apartment door to dimmed lights, and the man he least expects to see, standing in wait for him.  
  
“Welcome come home, Earthling no.2”, Magnus grins, popping a bottle of champagne before then hopping over to embrace Alec and offer him kisses. “Can you tell? I’ve missed you much”.  
  
Returning the kiss as warmly as he receives it, Alec’s gaze follows a pathway of spiced cinnamon scented candles leading from his living room and out onto his patio. “Is that a portable fireplace I see?” He’s amused and surprised. “Where did it come from?”  
  
“The store, of course. Where else?”, Magnus laughs, leaving Alec time to take in the cosy evening he’d prepared - a table set for two out on the patio with candles shaded by Chinese paper lanterns hanging from the railing and on the walls.  
  
“And before you ask - no, I didn’t cook”, Magnus bats his eyes. “It’s all take out from my favourite restaurant, so no need to worry about diarrhoea”.  
  
“I’m relieved”, Alec laughs, swinging one arm around Magnus’s neck while using the other to tilt his chin up, holding his face in position and just like that, he leans down and seals a kiss – a kiss so long and hungry yet soundless – their tongues moving in grace.  
  
“By the way, how did you get in?”  
  
“I seduced the porter”. And when Alec gives him a displeased look, Magnus chuckles, laughing all the harder. “Don’t worry… I reserve all naughtiness for you”.  
  
Alec suddenly gets a little smug. “Don’t go seducing other men”.  
  
Magnus smiles, his whole face brightens. “Jealousy looks good on you, Alexander”.

“I’m not jealous”.

“Stay in your denial while I catalogue the facts”.

Alec rolls his eyes. “Keep talking like that and I’ll throw you out and keep all the food and cosiness to myself”.  But he’s happily watching the way Magnus is smiling with all his might - his eyes shining, his lips neat and cheery.

“Don’t worry. I’ve only got the heat for you. Besides, that porter is far too grey so I doubt he’ll be able to last for more than a minute”.  
  
Alec _humphs._ “You’re all about the flesh, aren’t you?”  
  
A serious solemn look suddenly blankets Magnus’s face. “Alexander, I love you. I love all of you. All your body and your full soul, I love”.

Alec heard what Magnus just said – Magnus just told him that he loved him and while a part of him is leaping high in the air and skipping and singing towards _la la land_ , there’s also a part of him that’s growing cold and restless. He pulls his sweater up more to cover the back of his neck. Early winter blows and the cold is never his favourite season. He’s soon pulled back into focus to catch Magnus’s eyes on him – eyes steady and warm like a natural fireplace.

“Why do you love me, Magnus?”

“I just do”.

“That doesn’t sound very convincing”.

“Well I’ll do better at showing you. Besides, a wise man once said, _love doesn’t come from the mind to know but, from the heart to feel_ ”.  
  
And once again, Alec finds himself in a bind. 

“I see… it makes sense”.  
  
After two glasses of spiced chocolatey red wine, and a few cuts and bites of succulent steak, Alec looks around and asks. “I wonder what’s for dessert.”

He might’ve intentionally changed the topic but that’s only pretence because, like it or not, like a background programme running, their earlier conversation is ringing loudly in his head.  
  
“Dessert is about to follow you to the bathtub”, Magnus answers, swaying a sexy smile though underneath it all, there’s a sheet of sadness. “Let’s take a bath together”.  
  
Something warm runs up and down Alec’s spine – a prick of pain hits him while watching the sadness hide itself in the corner of Magnus’s smile. “I hope it’s extra sweet".  
  
Alec may have not admitted it to himself as yet, or perhaps he’s just playing stubborn, but he knows he’s addicted to Magnus’s impulsive kisses – the shape, taste and temperature of his lips – the sandalwood smell in his hair and on his skin – the low rhythmic sound of his breathing - the cut and weight of his body when they embrace – the frown in his forehead when he concentrates – the sharpness in his eyes when he’s serious or pissed – the softness in his face when he’s happy – Magnus is warm and calm and Alec finds himself craving him for a lot more than the mess they make out of bed and sheets – Alec is addicted to Magnus like to the sweetness of strawberries.  
  
Stretched back into the bathtub with Magnus sitting behind him giving him a light massage, Alec finds himself relaxing into warm and tender touches wondering; **_when had love become such a cliché thing?_**  
  
And while he’s distracted, somehow relishing in defeat that perhaps he has already fallen, Magnus leans over and wipes Alec’s mouth with his tongue, licks his lips then smiles, taking Alec’s knuckles in his hands and kissing them all the way up to his wrist in that spontaneity of his - the bubbles from the bath popping on his skin in the places Magnus feeds him chaste kisses.  
  
It’s these tiny innocent moments of candy kisses that make Alec doubles over, and grows weak in the knees and in his belly - and feels almost in love.

And if it’s love?

“By the way, who was that wise man you quoted earlier?”

“I don’t know”, Magnus shrugs, making a trail with his lips along Alec’s neck. “It just sounds like something a wise man would say”.

Alec laughs, turning around and framing Magnus’s face in his palms. “It also sounds a lot like something that will take much effort”.

Magnus smiles. “Have you met me?” he asks, the beauty of his confidence glistens in his eyes and in the subtle curving of his lips. “For you, I’m all for effort”.

Alec slides over more and kisses Magnus. Their tongues touching each other in a wet sweetness that happens over and over until suddenly, the minute Magnus has been waiting to happen, catches Alec off guard.

After all,

Another wise man did say, _you can’t predict it, and that’s love._

But even so;

Alec isn’t yet sure.  

_\---_

_magnus x alec[](https://twitter.com/hashtag/Shadowhunters?src=hash)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why Meliorn? hmmm He suited the character I wanted. So I hope that worked out well XD  
> and NO. Alec is not biphobic. Canonically, Meliorn's sexuality is described as being 'fluid'. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!  
> Kudos/feedback are appreciated.


	7. the day it snowed butterflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus, Meliorn or Alone? Alec makes his decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter picks up a bit after chap. 6--- following Meliorn's return from Florida. Thanks for your support thus far ^^ Happy reading ♡

。

 **Dear tummy,**  
**sorry for**  
**all the**  
**butterflies**   **.**

**。**

“Why are you so far from me?” 

“I’m literally one step in front of you, Magnus”.

“Not you, Alexander… I mean yes, you but---- your heart, your love. Hurry and give it to me”.

Alec raised an eyebrow. “Do you think it’s a sort of candy or something?”

“Most certainly nothing that sweet”, Magnus sighs. “Not when you have me aching all over, anxiously wondering if you’ll someday soon give me back the same amount of love I’m giving you”.

“Aching, anxious and unsure, then why do you still want it?”

“Who knows?”, Magnus again sighs, harder this time, his eyes turned to the weather report showing on the television. “Maybe I'm just really silly to have fallen for you”.

A hesitant nervous smile contours Alec’s lips. “Thinking like that, are you really trying to win me?”

“No”, Magnus answers, his heart heavy. If the temperature continues to drop like this then surely sn--- he sighs yet again, visibly frustrated, his eyes steady on Alec. “No, Alexander. I’m trying to get you to admit it. To give up and let me love you the way you know I do”.

Alec shivers, holding himself - one hand over his belly;

Lately,

the butterflies have gotten rowdy.

.

On Meliorn’s return from Florida, he latches onto Alec like a tick - taking kisses from Alec like he owns them and groping him at all odd angles regardless of time or place.  
  
“Why are you here?” Alec keeps asking and asking.  
  
But Meliorn always gives the same reply, “You’re here, aren’t you?”  
  
“Yes. But what do you want from me? I admit, what we had felt right in its own way, but now, now I have Magnus”.  
  
Sighing in annoyance, Meliorn asks, “Why does that guy love you anyway?”

The smile on Alec is a bit of embarrassment mixed in with fondness. “He said he just does”.

Meliorn frowns this time, running a hand through a lock of hair, looking back on Alec. “And you? Why do you love him?”

“He makes me laugh when there’s no reason to”.

Meliorn stares in disbelief, appalled at the sappiness spilling from Alec’s mouth. “Are you an idiot?”

Alec laughs. Even he knows he doesn’t make much sense. “But not only that, Magnus is also frank and honest and full of confidence”.  
  
“Am I not also frank, honest and full of confidence?”  
  
“Yes… yes, you are”, Alec sighs, thinking hard how to win the argument. “But when I told that guy about you, can you guess his reaction?”  
  
“I imagine mad, jealous, uneasy and annoyed”.  
  
“Precisely. Anyone would but Magnus, that guy basically told me to fight for myself since he's already fighting for me. Can you believe that?”

“I see”. Meliorn replies, watching a sort of affection growing big in Alec’s eyes. “But wasn’t he scared to lose you?”  
  
“Said he dreaded it. Said he’s restless about it. But that he’ll wait on me”.  
  
Meliorn raises his eyebrows, mouth a bit open before asking, “Isn’t that too reckless? How can you love someone who won’t fight for you? He’s being half-assed and it’s pathetic and I’m getting even more pissed off”.  
  
All through Meliorn’s rant, Alec is shaking his head in disagreement. “No, not pathetic. It’s confidence, Meliorn. Even though he’s worried, he trusts me. That’s how confident his love is for me”.  
  
“I still don’t get you”, Meliorn frowns. “How can you choose him over the awesome me?”  
  
Alec chuckles, “well that’s another thing you both have in common”.  
  
Meliorn knitted his eyebrows, to think Alec has the nerve to log him and Magnus in the same category. “And exactly what would that be?”  
  
Alec is all very bright with a smile.  “You’re both full of yourselves”.  
  
Meliorn sighs this time. “And yet you choose him, anyway.  You’re a maniac”.  
  
Alec nods, standing in front of him. “I used to think people who said trivial things like,  _‘I fell in love because of their smile’,_  to be idiots. But now I completely understand – it’s the little things he does… the small moments we spend together. It’s like falling asleep;  _very slowly then all at once_  and now I want to have him so badly that it’s starting to hurt. It’s crazy, right? But---”  
  
“But whatever”, Meliorn shuts him off. “Hurry and call me a taxi”.  
  
“But---”.  
  
“But you’re an idiot. I said hurry and call me a taxi”.  
  
 “Where are you going?”  
  
“Well you don’t expect me to stick around when every word that comes out of your mouth is decorated with fairy dust and hearts and they're all for another man”.  
  
Alec’s eyebrows are knitted tightly in surprise. “So that’s it? You’re not going to continue bashing Magnus and tell me what a waste of my time love is?”  
  
“You really are an idiot”, Meliorn mumbles, haphazardly tucking his clothes in his suitcase. “It’s me who’s wasting his time. There’s no way I can compete against two crackheads in love”.  
  
Alec does chuckle a short bit, before going silent for a while, helping Meliorn properly pack. “It’s really love, isn’t it, Meliorn?”  
  
“What are you going on about now? You really are pissing me off”.  
  
“Trust me. I’m surprised myself. But if there’s such a thing in this world called the luckiest Fool, then I’m it for sure. I’ve had him waiting for so long”.  
  
“Argh. You’re really in deep for his guy”.  
  
“I am… and I never saw it coming, Meliorn. But being with Magnus - it’s as lively as hip hip hooray and he gives the best and sweetest hello and goodbye kisses. It’s after getting back from Peru that I started feeling like I can really love him--- that perhaps I already did”.  
  
“And if it isn’t love?”  
  
“I don’t want to think about that right now… but fingers crossed it is”.  
  
“You really piss me off”, Meliorn curses, hauling his suitcase towards the door, but he then suddenly stops, turns around and in all sincerity, “You’re an idiot for leaving me… but I’m glad at least one of us has found his happy ending”.  
  
And it’s because they’ve been friends for so long and have witnessed each other’s life changes that, Alec knows Meliorn really wishes him well. It has also allowed him to see the loneliness in his friend’s eyes. “Meliorn, you’ll find yours too – your happy ending”.  
  
“Thanks. But leave me out of your cheesy love bullshit”, he deadpans, waving, “Merry Christmas when it comes”.  
  
.

A few days later, Alec grabs hold of Magnus from behind. “I hate losing”, he grumbles.

By now, the world is busy with holiday planning, festive trees and carols blasting on radios. These two are enjoying the easy pace in Magnus’s living room.  
  
“I didn’t know you were into gambling”, Magnus answers, pinning candy canes to his Christmas tree.  
  
“Well what can I say? I guess the prize is well worth it”.  
  
“And what was it?”  
  
“It’s like following the smell of mulled wine”.  
  
Magnus hums. “Sounds sweet and ginger but I’m not following”.  
  
“I feel like a squirrel being led by its nose”.  
  
It’s then that Magnus comes around and on his knees in front of Alec and in fair tenderness says, “Take your time, Earthling no.2. I’ll be here when you’re ready to make sense in this universe”.  
  
Alec laughs, and then he swallows - his eyes a marvel of colours but his breathing is getting nervous. His hands are cold and the queasiness in his belly has returned. But then he looks down and finds Magnus smiling up at him with eyes that have openly loved him since day one – eyes warmer than a winter fireplace, and he's being soothe with hands that have always been supportive and have always held him in a patient embrace. It’s just so that bit by bit, the knots in his stomach slowly start to unfurl and the queasiness in his gut also slowly starts to disperse. Just so, Alec starts to feel the weight of worry and uncertainty and all his fear being lifted off his shoulders - and then finally, all that unease is replaced by the fluttering wings of more than a thousand butterflies very festive in his belly.

Alec looks at Magnus, the fairy tale in front of him and smiles.  

“I love you. I’m completely in love with you, Magnus. And I might really cry or die from this happiness”.  
  
But even so, after all that Magnus is just sitting there without moving or blinking, still trying to process that he’s hearing well – he mentally pinches himself to confirm that what he’s hearing is real, so when reality finally sinks in, his face slowly relaxes as the words flow into him like they’re from a dream.  
  
“Hey, are you even listening?” Alec asks, seeing that Magnus’s mind seems to be elsewhere. “Magnus, I love you”, Alec repeats and all Magnus’s senses become fooled, his eyes can’t see well because of brimming tears, and neither can his ears hear the splendour of mirth in Alec’s voice because his heart is drumming louder than any pitter-patter beat.  
  
“You do what?”, he asks, still in doubt.  
  
“I said, I’m handing my ass over to you”, Alec laughs, holding Magnus by the shoulder and feeding him warmth through gentle caresses as he again whispers. “And of course, it also comes with my whole heart”. Bit by bit, Magnus’s face spreads into a smile, his eyes big and dazzling with tears that brim but don't fall.

“Took you long enough”. And his lips tremble in their excitement as he leans into Alec’s neck and buries his face, gripping tighter into his sweater and hugging him tightly with no intention of letting him loose.  
  
A tear does fall from the corner of Alec’s eyes – perhaps a tear of joy on behalf of his heart as he damps a kiss to the side of Magnus’s head, then tilts his chin up and pecks a kiss to his nose. He then damps another kiss on both his cheeks and when Magnus grumbles in vexation, “you bastard, apologise for having me wait all this time”.  
  
Alec laughs, bends over and touches Magnus’s forehead with his own before allowing their mouths to meet and only touch. “Sorry to have kept you waiting. But from now on, you’re my responsibility – and I’m yours, Magnus”.  
  
Magnus is all sparkles and grin, having fully become aware that what’s happening is the real deal, folding his arms tighter around Alec’s neck, his tongue slips into Alec’s right ear and he very sultrily says. “And what will you have us do now to celebrate?”  
  
Alec moans, having now fully surrendered his heart and body and soul. “The occasion calls for some hot sex”.  
  
Magnus chuckles and kisses him deep, slippery and sweet. “I feel like I’ve loved you since the start of time”.  
  
Alec snorts, catching his breath. “What are you, a dinosaur?”  
  
“I’ll be anything you want, baby”, Magnus laughs, wiggling against Alec who’s licking him over his eyes, across his mouth, on his cheeks, along his neck and all around his chest – all the way around his nipples, his tongue warm and slick reaching Magnus’s belly button.  
  
Then suddenly, Alec gasps when Magnus very expertly flips him over on the carpet and straddles him – a gasp so loud like all his breath has left him leaving way for all the excitement he’s feeling. And he’s so happy – so happy like a giant balloon about to pop and scatter in colours - every nerve down to his fingertips and his toes is tingling when Magnus’s strokes him with his salivating tongue.  
  
“Magnus…”, Alec calls in a raspy breath from Magnus’s tongue wrapped around him betwixt legs. “Forget butterflies. I feel the whole zoo when I’m with you”.

Magnus heaves his hips then ceremoniously drops in a thrust so deep that Alec squeezes his eyes shut and allows himself to melt in their heat. “I’m not sure what you’re going on about, sweetpea, but I take it you very much enjoy me in you”.  
  
Alec’s low laughter meshes into the squelching sound from their bodies meeting and greeting. Alec is feeling giddy – the more Magnus pumps into him, the more his entire being screams in a delightful intensity that has him silently screaming till at long last, their happiness peaks before powerfully crashing down – their breathing heavily echoes in the mid-evening.  
  
.

Then comes mid-morning with the wintry wind blowing against the bedroom’s windowsill that Alec finds himself wrapped up in crimson silk sheets. He’s looking at himself in a full length mirror leaned against the wall – and he’s staring into his own happy eyes and along his lips that were sweetly sucked and kissed by Magnus last night.  
  
He hisses at the trail of hickeys and nibbling marks purposely engraved on his neck and down his chest, taking note to reprimand Magnus for marking him as if he’s now automatically his property. Though he soon smiles, touching himself and marvelling at how tender he still feels from Magnus’s fingertips. His whole body trembles at the memory of last evening’s happy story.  
  
Not long after when Magnus walks into the room Alec tells him, “You know, when I said I’d give you my ass, I didn’t mean it literally”.

Magnus crawls under the sheets and into the gentle possessiveness of his lover’s arms. “What use is your ass to me figuratively?”

Alec laughs and hugs him tightly. “Shit. I love you too much”.

“Oops”. Magnus laughs, skilfully catching Alec’s lips betwixt his own and kissing him. 

“You smell like roasted rice and raspberry”, Alec inhales long and deep and contented, wrapped in Magnus’s embrace, feeling the warmness of Magnus’s skin on his lips.  
  
Keeping his eyes closed, Magnus comfortably settles himself around Alec’s frame. “I wonder what that smell is like?”  
  
“I just said it smells like you. You smell that way now”.  
  
“Your sense of smell is messed up, Earthling no. 2”.  
  
“Maybe”. Alec kisses Magnus’s neck and his Adams apple, his tongue moving like he’s supping on sunshine in winter. “But it smells nice”.  
  
“That’s good to know”, Magnus leans his head to the side and presses his lips to the corner of Alec’s mouth.  “Alexander, if you were a jar of macadamia cookies, then I would eat and swallow you without as much leaving a single crumb. That's how much I crave you”.  
  
Alec cackles as if he’s in for a treat. “Okay cookie monster”.  
  
And so it is;  
  
From months green with summer to those slowly painted with colours that littered trees and the ground – and between that, were days they met and days they couldn’t – and even more interwoven were the chilly evenings of mulled wine and idle comfortable chats － it’s in a gentle tempo like this, that the butterflies came, and Alec falls in love.  
  
Then true winter came with white falling from the sky;

At 2a.m., somewhere past mid-December, the air is cold and dry giving Alec the perfect excuse to wrap his right hand tightly into Magnus’s left as they leisurely stroll towards the train station. They’re returning home from a holiday night market followed by a special jazz performance at one of those lounges.  
  
“Why did you decide to suddenly love me?” Magnus ponderingly asks.  
  
“It wasn’t sudden. As a matter of fact, I saw you first so I fell in love with you first… I’m just a coward”.

“Then what the heck took you so long?”

Alec inhales long and deep and a little bit sad too. “I was afraid that---“

“That I would leave you for another man?”

“Yes. Or a woman or perhaps you would’ve decided to join the priesthood or just feel like relationship isn’t your cup of tea anymore. Whatever the circumstances, whatever reason, I just didn’t want to be left alone again. I didn’t want to crack my heart open and put you in there, only for you to never close that gap and instead, leave my poor heart hanging outside my chest like others have done before”.

Magnus gives him some time before adding. “Then why accept me now?”

“I trust you. Somehow, I feel like if I give it to you, then you’ll take it and keep it and protect it in my stead”.

Magnus smiles, placing Alec’s palm over his left breast. “And that’s exactly why you’re no coward”.

Alec takes Magnus’s hand in his, his usual mirth back in his eyes. “We make quite the pair, huh?”.

Magnus is smiling when he suddenly gasps, his eyes twinkling and bright looking into the sky at winter's falling butterflies - and they’re both awed by the balmy, captivating dance of light flurries whitening the universe; the skies, the trees and the flowers underneath, before they so very gingerly hit the ground and pile in cuddles at their feet.  
  
Holding his hands out to catch some flakes, Alec actually laughs out loud with his head thrown back, before then hugging Magnus. “I guess you do keep your promises”.  
  
Magnus’s entire demeanour is very smug and boastful. “Good for you, ah? You’ve gotten yourself one heck of a handsome boyfriend”, he laughs. “Love me good, Alexander”.  
  
Alec tightens his hold around Magnus. “You better get ready, Earthling no.1," he says. "I’m going to love you  _oh so_  hard”.  
  
Magnus laughs so much that he starts to cough and sniffle. “Ugh, let’s go home. Even my nose is cold”.  
  
So Alec tucks their hands together in his coat pocket. “This way, you’ll keep warm beside me”.

“I’m really loveable,  _aren’t I?_ ” Magnus smirks, planting a kiss as sweet and as gentle as a fairy’s magic.  
  
And at that very moment, from the other side of the street, Ragnor spots Magnus, and he awes at how Magnus’s whole existence - everything down to the very air he’s breathing, seems to glow as if he’d been wrapped up in love all night long.  
  
And Ragnor smiles thinking;  
  
That it must be because of that man - that tall and beaming fellow glued at Magnus’s side - looking all soft and fluffy like fluffy icing on fluffy cupcakes.

“Magnus, thank you”.

“Uhm? For what? What did I miss? What greatness have I done now?”

Alec laughs at Magnus and his usual string of questions. He loves that about him too. He inhales and exhales, now loving the palpable fluttery gust in his stomach. “You reminded me what butterflies feel like”.

Magnus smiles and tightens his hold betwixt Alec’s fingers. “You are very welcome”.

And together, they fly.

_\---_

_magnus x alec[](https://twitter.com/hashtag/Shadowhunters?src=hash)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *phew* so sappy lol  
> I really did enjoy writing this story and I hope you enjoyed reading it and that I wrote a pleasing end XD
> 
> Let me know what you think.  
> Kudos/Comments appreciated XD


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